Yesterday was "one of those days." In reality, all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed, drink a cup of hazelnut coffee, and be left alone. If you know me, being left alone is not typical of my personality. I like being with people . . . 99% of the time. Recently I have been struggling with an old friendship that quite frankly, might be broken forever. My friend is living far out of the will of God. I was feeling the burden of this friend so greatly that I felt myself slipping into a deep state of depression. However, God helped me get ready for work. But, as soon as I could shut my office door, I just cried at my desk. My heart hurt.
I spent a lot of my morning in the Word of God. I strongly believe that church workers are at the deepest risk of spirituality starvation. We pour, pour, pour into others. If we are not diligent about letting God pour into us, then our well will dry up in the blink of an eye.
I am working through a couple of Bible study books right now. My choice yesterday was Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. To be specific, I was watching the videos sessions that Stasi created to go along with the book. In the session God lead me to yesterday, different women were talking about experiences they had with God. They all had basically asked this question, "God, what do you think of me?" Their stories were absolutely beautiful.
After the video was over, I asked God the same question, "What do you think of me?" The answer was not what I was expecting. He said to me, "Right now, I think you are trying to find your satisfaction in everything else but ME. Only in me will you find true satisfaction. You won't find it in any earthly relationship. You think you will feel satisfied if your friend decides to talk to you again. You think that by this friend hearing what you have to say, you will feel better. You just need to cast this care to me, daughter. I care for you. I will fulfill you. Right now, you need to just focus on our fellowship."
All I could do was exhale. God is my COMFORTER. He SATISFIES me. He CARES for me. He is my REFUGE. How wonderful a thought is it that God knows our hearts. He knows what burdens us and what anxiety we are feeling. He knows all of it. All we have to do is give it all to Him. Let Him take control. Let Him be our All-In-All.